Principle: When you start something new, give yourself space to be a beginner, feeling awkward and clumsy.
Practice: See how many beginner's mistakes you can make over a day - have a sense of play about it.
written 6/13/21 Sunday
Good morning, Beloveds All: Isis, Sekhmet, Great Mother, Ggantija Priestess (GP), Archangel Michael (AM), Yeshua, all guides, angels, ancestors, wise ones. I need You this morning because I’m kicking and screaming and in full resistance to being open-hearted or vulnerable. That equals unsafe in my thinking right now, and I just cut my meditation short. Please hold me tenderly, and help me hold myself – all of myself – tenderly. Thank You for this new day to walk this sacred Earth path with You, as You and through You.
I woke up this morning really feeling the pull to shut down, to close my heart, and – for a moment – I was able to allow the fear of not being safe and hold it in the infinite field of all love, all safety. Then I started my meditation, and within a few minutes, heard Little Beloveds (LBs - my young inner voices) screaming in terror at the prospect of opening to Spirit.
Instead of pushing through, I stopped my meditation in response – and that was confusing and baffling to LBs. They felt disoriented that I responded to their feelings, and they didn’t quite know how to receive that care or how to be with it. So they shut down – and now, they’re peeking out of their shell again, curious and wanting to be seen and held and loved… “Maybe,” they say. And that’s your choice, LBs; I will hold you in this infinite field of love and you get to open as much or as little as you want.
Oops – I got lost in my head a few minutes, away from my feelings. Hi, Ego – I love you! This is the dance of separate self and Oneness, the dance of integration. I’m just remembering a moment lately of seeing that I can choose to align with True Self as my identity instead of ego/separate self. Ego blocks and limits my access to the spiritual plane. I need her to navigate the physical plane, and she’s learning to surrender, to let go when I’m opening to the spiritual. I’m learning to align with my True Self more and more.
And it really is about where I put my focus and attention. There are times when it’s wholly appropriate to focus on the physical and to operate from my human self. And in any given moment, I have the power to choose whether I align with True Self or ego self.
And I’m noticing a lot of fear and resistance around the conversation I have scheduled tomorrow to offer my expertise in adult learning to the two abbots who led Wisdom School. That suggests I’m choosing to align with Ego, trying to control the outcomes of that conversation and worrying about how they’ll perceive me. I hear Ego saying, “You mean you want me to let go of control, stop being in charge of our safety?” Yes, sweetie, I want you to open to Divine Wisdom and learn to trust Her implicitly. I want you to trust that She can and will keep us safe in ways that we can’t possibly if we rely on our human resources.”
I feel your longing for that, love, and I know that this is an ongoing process that continues as long as we’re in human form. This is the dance of being a spiritual being having a human experience. It’s the dance of opening to that Divine Wisdom that lives in, as and through us as a physical expression of Her. It’s about owning our Divinity. And it’s ok for us to feel like a beginner in this process… to feel free to make mistakes and go slow and bring a sense of adventure and play to the experience. We are in a practice of holding all of us in the infinite field of Love and Light.
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