- Nancy Ogilvie
Detaching with Love
Principle: Change can feel like leaping into the void. And when we take the leap, we find the Mother’s loving arms waiting to catch us.
Practice: Pray to keep your focus on your own behavior and to let go of any desire to change someone else.
written 3/25/21 Thursday - if this is your first post in the "inner dialog" format, "SE" is my super ego, the internalized voice of my parents, and "N" is Nancy, my adult self.
Good morning, Beloveds all: Isis, Sekhmet, Yeshua, Great Mother, my Angel, all guides on both sides of the veil. Thank You, Beloveds All for this day to walk this sacred Earth path with You and as You.
Both my daily readings this morning are about anger and what a hazard it is to our serenity. I’m seeing clearly, in a new way, the impacts of anger for me, particularly in the context of SE. Anger hooks me into “taking his bait” and escalates the conflict between us. I move into “How dare he!!!???” It feeds my desire to change him (which I do not have the power to do), and of course, what he’s doing or saying about me is really none of my business. So when I’m tempted to anger and trying to change him, each reading suggests “detaching with love” using a different strategy:
(1) Refocus what I can do to take care of myself.
(2) Pray for help to remember that SE is not emotionally/spiritually well and to treat him with the kindness I would offer a physically sick friend.
Yesterday, when I found myself triggered by SE, I made a deliberate choice to refocus on my desire for You, Beloveds. That allowed me to “detach with love” by returning my focus to what I do have the power to change: my own behavior and attitude. I separate myself from the power struggle, treating SE with kindness and compassion, and I turned to You for help. It worked! My serenity was restored!
And now, I have sadness present. I feel sad about giving up hope that SE will change and become an amiable part of the family if I just love him enough… giving up hope that I can change what I’m powerless over through my own will. And acknowledging the sadness, it’s gone – I’ve shut it down. Hi, SE! You shut it down, and I listened.
SE: That’s one of my most powerful weapons, Nance, the hope that I just need you to love me enough and I’ll change. You can’t see that it’s a lie, a set-up to continue hoping that you can change me. That would render me powerless. If you give up that hope, I lose a huge amount of my power over you.
N: I see. That must be terrifying!
SE: Stop it! Don’t be kind of me; I hate it! I’m much more comfortable when you fight with me!
N: Because then I’m feeding you my energy, love. I’m buying into your view of the world, colluding with you, so it feeds your power over me. No more, love – I’m detaching with love. Or at least, I’m in the practice of detaching with love.
SE: That will kill me.
N: That’s your choice, sweetie, whether it kills you or whether you choose to find a new, better way. It’s up to you; I'm not interfering anymore. It will mean you don’t get what you want with the old strategies, that’s true. So if you believe those old ways are who you are, it’s true you won’t survive. And you do have an option to discover that you are not those old ways and to explore who you are. It’s entirely your choice, sweetie – I am giving up the hope that I can help you make that change. You have to do that work for yourself.
…Wow – and this is the way we’ve been perfect mirrors for each other. This is the common thread that’s bound us together this desire to have power over each other in order to ensure our needs get met. It’s what we’ve most hated in each other and ourselves, and that’s been the binding, the way we’ve been tied to each other. No more, SE – we have been enabling each other, and I’m cutting the cord, cutting the tie that binds us. I choose to put my faith and trust in the Beloveds, and stop making you my HP. I choose to live my life, and you live yours. And yes, I’m shaking in my boots, and turning to what I can do to be of service to You, as Your priestess, Mamas.
…And even more, telling myself that I’m afraid is reverting to listening to you, SE. That’s your voice, and what I see from this new place is that when I’m relying totally on HP, there is no fear. There is no need for fear. That’s the basis for choosing faith over fear – it’s also choosing HP over self-reliance, self-will and control.
…I’m leaping into the void, Beloveds – and landing in Your loving arms!
…Have a good life, SE, whatever choices you make. Blessed be!