Principle: The Divine is an Infinite Supply Who wants to meet all our needs. Not our wants, not necessarily how or when we want, but in Her time and way.
Practice: When you feel needy or dependent, pray for the courage to ask for what you need.
written 2/12/21 If this is your first post in the "inner dialog" format, "LO" is my inner little girl, and "N" is my adult self.
Good morning, Beloveds All: Isis, Sekhmet, Great Mother, all guides and saints and sages and ascended ones – thank You for being here, holding me, guiding me, loving me. Thank You for another day to walk this sacred Earth path with You and as You.
N: My therapist “failed me” yesterday, and I ended up pissed off and withholding with her because I didn’t feel seen in the ways she has the last couple weeks. And now I’m seeing that that was all about my unwillingness to ask for what I needed, to be so vulnerable. That’s so helpful! I wanted her to know what I needed without my having to ask so I didn’t have to attend to how raw I felt. I’ve so leaned into her the last couple weeks, reaching for her loving support and holding, and I didn’t want to go there yesterday.
LO: I was wondering if I’d leaned in “too much” – testing whether she was ok with it. She’s really met me, Nance, met my need to be seen and supported and accepted in the last couple weeks, and so I wondered how long I can count on that. And I didn’t know I was feeling all that, and I fell into old judgmental behavior so I didn’t have to feel it. I fell into needy, demanding child because I wasn’t sure I could ask for her to meet my needs yet again - even that felt “too needy, wanting too much.” It’s such a relief to see all this – makes it more possible to accept “needy, demanding me.”
N: Yes – and now I know better how to support you when you’re in that place, love!
LO: I do still believe I can be “too much” for others, it seems. Is that true, Nance? Mom (and Dad) told us we were “too much” because they couldn’t tend their own boundaries. They created the needy, demanding child by blaming me for their inability, their lacks – and that’s what I do with myself. When I’m unwilling to be dependent, to ask for what I need, I judge the Mother or human others for not knowing what I need and meeting those needs.
N: Huh… yes, nobody in our family took responsibility for his/her own needs. It was all so confusing, huh? We never understood who was responsible for what or whom.
LO: I’ve shut down again, Nance, and I don’t know what’s going on. I feel withdrawn. I want to be someone else because who I am now isn’t ok. I want to be a good girl, and I’m being a bad girl when I’m demanding and needy. Or maybe it’s that I want to be a “bad girl” – I want to be needy and dependent and vulnerable, I want to be in charge and run the show, I want to have all the attention – I want it to be all about me! And I don’t want to take any responsibility for my needs or for the impact of my behavior. I want to be like a little toddler, Nance – I don’t want to grow up! I won’t grow up! I won’t grow up until my needs are met! Wow – it’s so revealing to see that, and I feel at least the possibility of accepting myself in that.
… and it’s never going to happen now because I’m already grown up, huh? It’s too late – those very early needs will never be met now. Oh – that’s partly why I’m pissed at my therapist – she affirmed that those needs will never be met yesterday. How dare she!? I want her to meet those needs! And she’s not playing… thank God/dess! She won’t perpetuate the illusion, the lie – I know I can count on that. She won’t lie to me.
N: That’s true, love. You can count on her to tell you the truth.
LO: I couldn’t trust Mom and Dad to be honest with me and not make up a story, huh?
N: Also true, sweetie. They weren’t able to tend their own boundaries and needs, so they told you that you were a bad girl for having needs, that your needs made you a demanding, burdensome monster. Those stories are not true, love. You’re a beautiful little girl with legitimate little girl, human needs. You are not a needy, demanding monster. You’re not.
LO: I’m not a bad girl for having legitimate human needs! I’m worthy to be here; I deserve to be here, even though they made me feel like I wasn’t. I do not need to continue punishing myself for being a “bad girl” for the rest of my life just for feeling dependent or needy!
N: All true, beloved! And the good news is that you can ask for your adult needs to be met, and the Mother will provide. Maybe not in the way you want or when you want or from whom you want, but She will provide when you ask.
LO: It’s at least possible to trust that’s true, mama. I’m complete for now. Blessed be!
N: Blessed be, beloved LO!