Not My Fault
Principle:. All human beings have needs they deserve to meet.
Practice: Ask for 100% of what you want, 100% of the time. Be prepared to hear "no" and to negotiate.
If this is your first post in the "inner dialog" format, please see the "cast of characters" at the end.
Good morning, Beloveds All: Isis, Sekhmet, Yeshua, Mary, angels, ancestors, ascended ones, guides. Thank You for another day to walk this sacred Earth path with and as You.
This morning, I woke up with LO present, and SE running protection for her, so I felt tight and defended and angry. I knew right away that that was to cover up feeling needy and wanting connection, and opened a space for both LO and SE to try something new. I welcomed her neediness, and LO opened a bit and asked for face caresses.
And someone inside is wanting me not to write about this… hi, SE, that’s you, right? Too much vulnerability for you?
SE: Yes. You caught me not doing my job, letting down for a moment. I failed at keeping our guard up, at protecting LO, and you saw it. I’m ashamed.
N: Oh, love, you’re so hard on yourself as well as everyone else. Do you experience any of us shaming you?
SE: No. In fact, I experience you celebrating that I let my guard down, being grateful I failed. That’s very confusing.
N: What did you see happen as a result of your “failure,” sweetie?
SE: I saw LO discovering that her needs can be met, that they were met. I saw her learning that neediness could be ok, maybe. And she seems very content, relaxed, peaceful even. She likes having her needs met, being seen.
N: Yes, she learned another way to look at things. Are you willing to try a new way? To consider that maybe you didn’t fail, you opened for her to express her need and ask for it to be met?
SE: Oh. But that would mean that I’ve been wrong all these years! And maybe that’s ok after all... maybe it could be a relief that I don’t have to struggle so hard to protect her. But it’s not just her I’m protecting, Nance – it’s Mom too. She always seemed so sad, so fragile… if we’re too much for her – then what? It could be very bad. Catastrophic, even – disastrous. We can’t overwhelm Mom. We can’t be too much for her.
N: Ah, I see. Is Mom still alive? Is she still part of our human life?
SE: Oh, well, no. We don’t need to protect her anymore? Now that would be a huge relief! Ah-ha – we don’t have to protect her anymore! Hooray! We don’t have to stifle LO to keep Mom safe anymore!!!
N: That’s right! Good insight. Mom’s not here anymore, and you have me and an Infinite Source to meet yours and LO’s needs now.
LO: I can be as needy as I feel? Wow! I don’t have to worry about being “too needy?” And I learned today that when my needs are met, I don’t feel needy anymore! That’s a revelation too! I’ve just always felt so needy all the time ‘cause my needs were never met…
SE: And I don’t have to be the neediness police anymore?!?! That’s a huge relief – and I know we can find another role for me so I can be useful and occupied. That’s what I need.
N: Yes, SE – you still get a seat at the table; we’ll still respond to your needs. And we accept you as you are, occasional bossiness and desire to control included. It’s part of having human shortcomings, part of life. Are we complete for now?
SE: Yes, from LO and me – thanks, Nance. Blessed be!
N: Blessed be!
1/28/21 8pm – after therapy this afternoon
N: Whew – what a session with our therapist, loves! I’m so proud of you, LO – you were so brave!
LO: I was so scared, Nance – I went really deep into feeling what it was like for me as a little girl with Mom suicidal. I really believed it was my job to keep her from killing herself, and that the way to do that was to be sure I wasn’t “too much,” that I didn’t need too much from her.
N: Yes… you really put yourself out there. I’m so proud of you, love! You spoke truth – your truth, and that showed so much courage! It was messy, yes – and you were so inspiring and beautiful!
LO: Thanks, Nance… I still feel so raw, so exposed. And you gave up Wisdom Council tonight, one of your favorite things, to stay with me! You knew how much I needed you – and you chose me! I’m still taking that in… that you really mean you love me that much.
N: Yes, I do, sweetheart! You’re that important to me.
LO: It wasn’t my fault that Mom couldn’t meet my needs, huh? It wasn’t that I didn’t deserve for my needs to be met or that I was a needy, demanding, insatiable monster.
N: True. You have a whole new perspective on your early experience after today, huh?
LO: Yes, I get that it wasn’t my fault – she just couldn’t meet my needs. I’ve always believed my needs weren’t met because I was too needy – and now I see that’s not true. I have human needs and I can ask for them to be met. You want to meet my needs, right, Nance?
N: Yes, beloved, I do. You’re so precious to me!
LO: It’s so exciting, Nance, so hopeful! Thank you! I’m complete for now. Blessed be!
N: Blessed be!
Cast of Characters:
N: Nancy, my adult self
WC: Wounded Child, the part that is still traumatized by childhood wounding
SI: Sweet Innocence, the whole, healthy child who knows she is lovable and worthy
LOs: Little Ones, a composite of WC/SI when they seem to be one, or may also refer to a composite of all parts when I’m not yet clear on who’s speaking
Ego: my ego self or human mind
SE: Super Ego, the internal voice of our parents or other authority figures when they were trying to socialize us into responsible human beings; this voice generally has the role of enforcing our parents’ rules for us growing up, whether or not they serve us now as adults. It can be harshly judgmental and punishing.