- Nancy Ogilvie
Practicing Presence in the Mystery
Principle: Discerning when we’re reacting to a past experience rather than truly responding in the present is key to having serenity in our lives.
Practice: Bring yourself into the present moment using one of the practices suggested in this post.
Good morning, Beloveds All: Isis, Sekhmet, Great Mother, Yeshua, Archangel Michael, G.P., all guides, angels, wise ones. I’ve been awake since 5:45, anxious and ashamed and afraid and wanting to run from You, Beloveds. Please help me be curious, to inquire, to ask for help; and thank You for a new day to walk this sacred Earth path with You, as You, through You and in You. I’m going to sit (in meditation) for a few minutes and then go to morning prayer on zoom.
After morning prayer: How can I serve You in this moment, Beloveds? I have been focusing on my needs this morning so far, and I want the focus off me – although that may well be another form of avoidance; I don’t know. But even in this human place of shame and hiding, I do still long to serve You, Beloveds. I still long to walk in the arena of the Unknown Mystery. How can I serve from this place of feeling so humanly disconnected?
I can express my love for others as expressions of You. I can contribute to the well-being of all Life. Oh - I can “act as if!” I’ve always resisted that, thinking “acting as if” meant not being authentic or genuine, but now I get it! Even when I feel disconnected, I can “act as if” I am, because I know that’s the Truth. It feels like expressing a deeper Essence that’s bigger than my human feelings and capacity in the moment. It’s living “as if” my True Self is the true reality, which I do know in my heart to be true.
I am aware that part of my anxiety response this morning is having had such a good time with my friends who came over for dinner last night. I haven’t had anyone over for a meal since I moved into my “new” place almost two years ago, and I really wanted to do that for these two friends! They asked about my Order, and I wanted to share my deep love and passion for that community. They asked me to play my new piano, and not only did I want to do that, I most wanted to publicly express my love for You in music, Beloveds. I wanted You to express through me in my playing.
All of that is “walking in the arena of the Unknown,” and left me feeling raw and vulnerable. And this morning, that vulnerability feels like more than I can tolerate, so I’ve tried to contain it with shame that I was “too full of myself,” that I wanted “too much.” Hello, Super Ego. Thank you for trying to keep me safe – I know that “wanting too much” and “being too much” got us in lots of trouble when we were little.
And are you sure there was really danger in this experience now, in the present? I made a choice to contribute to the stream of Life with my friends last night, and they clearly thoroughly enjoyed themselves. So did I!
So what could we do instead of shaming ourself when an old fear like that comes up, SE? It seems like we need a way to discern whether we’re reacting from a past experience or whether there’s a real need to protect ourself now. We need to be present, grounded in our body temple to do that.
So I could sit in stillness, attend to the sensations in my body, and focus on my breath. I could turn to the Mother for help and support; I don’t have to “figure this out” on my own. I could sit with whatever thoughts and feelings come up and practice awareness and acceptance of the vulnerability and dependence I feel before jumping into action. I can remember that feeling afraid doesn’t necessarily mean I’m in danger now. I feel you relaxing, SE, so those seem like good options. Thanks for your willingness to listen, sweetie! Blessed be!