Riding the Roller Coaster, Part 2

Principle: Surrendering to the roller coaster of your emotions and trusting the Divine flow accelerates and eases the ride.

Practice: Throw your hands up in the air and trust the Beloveds to guide you safely through an emotional process.

Written 4/26/21 Monday

Good morning, Beloveds All: Isis, Sekhmet, Great Mother, Black Madonna, Yeshua, all guides, angels wise ones in form and no form. I woke up feeling resentful and angry, and You were right there. I found the space to open to You, just a crack, during the opening chant in morning prayer. And “just a crack,” of course, was enough! Thank You for being there, and thank You for this day to walk this sacred Earth path with You, as You and through You.

And what You’ve just shown me is that I’m done with the old story – or maybe many stories – around being a victim. That’s really the bottom line. My experience over the week-end (see 4/25 post, Riding the Roller Coaster, Part 1) is of “the rug being pulled out from under me,” of a lot of what “I know” being called into question. I’m just seeing that now, and it’s so helpful! That was the top of the first hill on this roller coaster ride – and I’m grateful, Beloveds. You’re answering my suspension prayers!

And I do feel done with the victim story. I was just telling my mentor this morning that I noticed myself feeling reluctant to speak up in the seminar group on Sunday, and I responded with feeling resentful and afraid the rest of the day. Her response was, “uh-huh, because it was their fault that you felt reluctant, right?” That’s precisely it; in my old thinking, they were mean to me; they have the power to deprive me of what I need, and I’m a helpless victim. I am so done with that story!!! I’ve just put it in the Mamas' hands.

So yes, it’s been a roller coaster ride, and what’s clear to me in hindsight is that roller coaster cars don’t come with brakes and a steering wheel for a reason. I'm supposed to put my hands over my head, surrender and enjoy the thrill of being out of control, and trust the engineering of the ride and the track to carry me safely to the end. And if the car had brakes or a steering wheel and I used them, I’d throw those engineering dynamics out-of-whack and put myself and others in danger.

By the same token, when I’m riding the roller coaster of my emotions, I’m supposed to put my hands up in the air and surrender to the changing flow moving through me. If I try to control my feelings – steer them in a particular direction or brake to stop them completely, I’m blocking the Divine flow that will guide me safely through the “ride.” The more I refuse to surrender and trust, the more stuck I get along the way, the greater the turmoil and suffering I create for myself (and likely others).

The more I rely on my own resources of control to get me safely through the ride, the more challenging and difficult it becomes. The more I surrender to the Divine flow, the quicker and easier the ride becomes (although not necessarily pain free). And as I look back over the whole trajectory of the last week’s roller coaster ride, I’m amazed and grateful that I largely surrendered to the flow of my experience and was present with each of my feelings as they moved through.

I trusted the Divine to guide me through my process. I have never before gotten through this kind of a major trigger in such a short period of time, and I’m in awe of the unfolding beauty and Your Love, Beloveds, of You holding me every step of the way. Blessed be!