Trust As a Leap of Faith

Principle: We develop trust by taking the leap of faith to trust.

Practice: Practice Metta, or loving kindness, to open your heart and expand trust. I love Ruth King’s Metta guided meditation on the InsightTimer app.

written 2/16/21 Tuesday (if this is your first post in the "inner dialog" format, "LO" stands for Little One, my inner child. And "N," of course, is my adult self, Nancy.

Good morning, Beloved Mamas: Isis, Sekhmet, Great Mother, all angels, guides, wisdom teachers. I feel bereft, alone, confused, adrift today, at least in this moment – and at the same time, I’m grounded in my adult body, fully present to being an adult with adult capacities. LO is pretty distressed, and I’ve told her I don’t know how to negotiate the sea we’re in, that we’ll need to learn to sail together. That helped her to settle, and helped me to remember that I can rely on You too, Beloveds! Thank You for another day to walk this sacred Earth path with You and as You.

LO: I like being in co-creative partnership, with You and you, Mamas and mama! It’s fun!

N: It is, isn’t it, sweetie? Thank you for reminding me to lighten up, that there’s joy and hope in life. I’m feeling the temptation to self-pity and being/playing victim, of seeing only the heavy burden of doing it all alone. You’re reminding me that’s an old, ingrained habit that doesn’t serve us anymore. I choose another way – we together with the Mother, choose another way. We together. We together choose gratitude over resentment, we together choose agency over victimhood, we together choose courage over self-doubt and fear.

And I’m going to practice gratitude for all You’ve given me right now, Beloveds. I’m grateful for the enormous courage You’re giving me to take on self-doubt and SE, to look at the beliefs I developed to help me survive when I was little, to assess their accuracy and choose new ones where they no longer serve. I’m grateful for the persistence to post on my blog consistently. I’m grateful for the peace and serenity You’ve given me, the compassion to respond with serenity to the deep divisions in our country, the compassion and clarity You’ve given me to respond to those whose fear is driving them to power-over strategies. I’m grateful for program and program friends who support me.

This is really hard – opening to feeling grateful to You, Mamas – so what’s up with that? I am so attached to resentment – it needs to go into my Goddess jar again for You to transform. What does resentment give me? It’s linked with not growing up, I think – it allows me to remain in victimhood and keep my focus on whether others are meeting my needs. It keeps others responsible for meeting my needs rather than me. It feeds that early decision not to grow up – or take responsibility for meeting my own needs – until Mom and Dad meet my needs!

Or You, Mamas, for that matter!” I have to know I can rely on You to meet my needs before I’ll open to trusting You, depending on You, turning my life over to You. Prove You’re trustworthy so I can trust You! It’s such a distorted perspective, and I feel totally stuck in it right now.

And fortunately, I know/remember times when I haven’t been stuck, when I’ve been very clear that turning over my will opens me to receive Your abundance and pass it on.

So here I am, Mamas – grounded and present in my body (although less so than when I started – and shifting from my head to my body now), knowing my agency, my capacity to step into co-creative partnership with You on one hand, and feeling compulsively attached to having everything my way on the other.

And I am now ready for You to have all of me, “good” and “bad.” I know You will use both for Your purposes, Beloveds. You have created me as I am for Your own good reasons, and You love me exactly as I am. What a miracle!

Blessed be!