Principle:. We are spiritual beings first, having a human experience second. Our human capacity is a fraction of our spiritual capacity.
Practice: The breath is the point of union between Divine and human. Let the Mother breathe you as She fills you with Her Presence.
written 1/21/21
Good morning, Beloveds all: Isis, Sekhmet, Great Mother, Yeshua, Mother Mary, Mary Magdalene, all angels, ancestors, ascended ones, guides. I’m in the mode of feeling like life is a struggle this morning, which means I’m running on my own will, my own resources, my human perspective. So I’ll choose gratitude for all You’ve given me, and say thank You for another day to walk this sacred Earth path with and as You! It’s so comforting to think of walking with you, of being at Your side always. And thinking that I am also walking as You, doing my best to be Your arms and legs and voice and heart on the physical plane is so inspiring!
I’m not really feeling called to journal today again – and it feels like that’s about accepting that there’s nothing wrong, with me or anything! I wouldn’t have said that my journaling has been about “fixing” or changing me for a long time; my experience lately is that it’s been more about listening for Truth and guidance, more of an unfolding and self-discovery process than a self-improvement/change process. Or a “make me feel better” process, as it has been in the past.
And I think what’s shifted is that I know the “I AM” Presence in my body now, from last Friday’s download in meditation. I asked, as I often do at the beginning of meditation, “What’s here?”, meaning in my heart. The Mother replied, “I AM lives here. This is sacred ground, the Holy of Holies, My dwelling place.” And I know that Presence in my body now even when I don’t feel it.
This morning in meditation, that Presence was crammed in a pretty small corner of my heart because SE and/or Ego were in the driver’s seat, running rampant. They were running my life most of yesterday, and I felt at a loss for getting them back into a passenger seat. Ahhh… I was trying to control them, and I can’t. As long as I’m trying to change me, I’m stuck, trapped in that old pattern. I felt like their victim yesterday, helpless to contain them, and it’s true - I am helpless to “contain them.” I was stuck focusing on what I can’t change yesterday, and didn’t see my own agency.
So “I AM” lives in my heart, in my body, even when I’m running on my will, when Ego is driving the bus. That Truth is alive in my bones and breath, vibrating in every cell of my body temple. Yes, my body is a temple, because it houses the Divine. It is the home of Divine Wisdom, as is every living being.
And I am still human as well – I have a human ego that wants to be in control. It wants to have the answers, to know what’s going to happen, to understand. It loves certainty and consistency and predictability. It’s terrified of the unknown, of helplessness, of vulnerability. It wants to control how others see me, so it puts out an idealized self-image. It wants to ensure that I’m loved, that I belong, that my needs are met so I survive. That’s its job – there’s nothing wrong with that.
And Ego is insisting that I write that it has positive characteristics as well: it’s great at planning, at organizing, at navigating the physical realities of human existence. For example, it’s realized that I’m participating in a conference this week-end and need to have food in the house to last through it, so I’m going to the grocery store this morning. I’d be lost without it; I couldn’t survive on the physical plane.
And all this is by way of saying that because I know the living I AM Presence in me, I know there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m in a practice of accepting my human, egoic self, of loving myself as I am, human flaws and all. I don’t need to like myself or my behavior all the time, but I can practice loving and being compassionate with myself. And when I notice Ego is driving the bus, I can focus on the Divine Presence filling me.